Wednesday, 23 December 2009

the year in which I learnt things I didn't know I needed to learn...

it has been an odd year - some highs, lots of lows - I won't be sorry to see it end.

it's been a year where I've had a lot of things thrown sharply into focus, particularly in regard to areas of my life I thought I'd dealt with and lessons I assumed I'd already learnt. The main things are:

1) I need to stop being too self-reliant, both in my professional and personal life. I have amazing friends and if I don't go to them when I need to, I'm belittling my relationship with them. I've learnt the hard way over the past couple of months that asking for help in a work environment is not a bad thing either - I need to make sure I do that more.

2) I still have a lot of body issues. I have a negative loop that runs like this: I am anxious - I am fat - I am anxious - I am fat. The loop can start at either of the points and circle from there. I'm much better than I used to be (I no longer act on the emotion), but I still have a way to go.

3) I need to spend time on my mental health. If I ignore it when I'm in a good place, I don't realise when it gets bad. This is a thing I thought I'd learnt already but 2009 has shown me that it's still a work in progress.

4) I have no work/life balance. I generally love my work, spend my time doing what I'm great at, and focusing on it energises me. When I do work that I don't have a natural affinity for (and therefore don't enjoy), it drains me completely. Implementation projects fit in the latter category and I should not do them.

5) Contrary to popular belief, I'm quite an introvert. I enjoy spending time on my own, in my own space and not communicating with the outside world. When things get tough or stressful I use my own, safe world as a place to hide. I need to recognise this as there are times when I need to push myself to be more sociable and make connections with other people. That can be quite scary sometimes and the more time I spend on my own, the scarier the outside world seems.

I'm looking forward to next year. The things I've learnt along the way will stand me in good stead (If I can remember them...).